Between ducklings and toad babies and countless fledglings, this acre is teeming with life as spring heads into summer.
But because this is a place that animals live, it is also a place that animals die. I think that is one of the things that I like the most about it.
Now, before you label me as some kind of a sicko, let me explain...I'm middle-aged. That means I've lost a few loved ones. It also means that I have seen a few things happen that remind me, in subtle and not so subtle ways, that it doesn't matter how young I feel in my mind; my body is getting older and will, one day, give out.
Now, I know some people don't like to think about that...about getting older, let alone dying. But for me, I find the way to cope with things that cause me anxiety is to befriend them. I'm one of the few 50-somethings out there who actually knows how much grey hair she has. Old age is not going to take me by surprise. I'm watching it approach head on.
And that is kind of my point.
I studied martial arts for many years and was taught to move in close to what scares you. It helps you keep your center of gravity. Helps you root yourself. Keeping to your center keeps you strong.
Does that mean you won't get hurt? Can't be killed?
Of course not. But your best chance of making it is to stay centered. Strong. Focused. And to work with the energy that is coming at you. Don't try to blast force with force (I'm small, I'd lose every time if I tried that.) Instead, go with the energy. Add your energy to the flow and learn to direct it.
I left the physical practice of martial arts long ago but the mental aspect has always been a part of me. It's the way I live...moving in close to what scares me. Learning how to keep my center in the middle of that which threatens to overpower and destroy me.
Death will come for me, sure, but I've gotten over my fear of being destroyed by it. My father used to say, "It's just nature. It's like a flower. We just fade and fall off."
And that is exactly how he went.
And that is what animals can teach us. Pets. Wildlife. Nature herself never ceases teaching us as long as we just agree to show up to class.
And so it is, partly because I think I was a seagull in a past life, that I have developed a habit of grabbing bits and pieces of things that other people might think of as garbage, but that I somehow find nourishing (in the spiritual sense). This deer jaw bone is one of them.
I've found plenty of skulls and bones and tails and wings in my yard over the years, but this jawbone came from the woods. I came upon a coyote feeding ground with deer fur and bones spread every which way.
Standing in the middle of what used to be a deer in the forest felt equal parts eerie and holy to me. Like death...but somehow more. Like a graveyard held within the body of a temple.
If I were a poet, I might be able to translate the atmosphere of it for you but I don't have the words for it.
But I do have the jaw to remind me.
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