So, there we were sitting just a few feet from Brad Roberts as the Crash Test Dummies took the stage at SPACE a few days ago.
Now, I know it's been quite a few years since God Shuffled His Feet came out (1993) but I love that album. LOVE it. Brilliant lyrics, pithy humor, quirky sound...it's a regular part of our musical rotation here even after all this time. And while I'm not one for wanting musicians to host a "Garden Party" ala Ricky Nelson, it was my love of the album that made me leap at the chance to get tickets when I saw they were coming to town. I had no idea if I would even know any of the songs they would play but I was willing to roll the dice since the SPACE venue is so amazing. We had seen Antje Duvekot there recently and that was all it took for me to start fantasizing about all the musicians I would like to see there (like Tracy Chapman did when I saw her at Red Rocks). (Here is some Antje music for you.)
Now, being an old album, I knew the musicians would be older.
Sadly, even my time-lapse imagination did not prepare me.
There was Brad, looking decidedly...hmmm...not Mmmmm as in the song but Hmmmm as in 'How do I say this?'...
Well, bleary eyed. Let's say he was bleary eyed.
As he began to sing God Shuffled His Feet I realized this was not going to be anything like what I envisioned. When he did choose a key, it wasn't for very long and when he didn't the flatness was winceable, downright cringe-worthy when he attempted to hold the "note" as long as he could.
While his voice tightened up as the night went on, with more familiar keys being held on to for progressively longer periods, I wasn't prepared for what happened between the songs.
SPACE is so intimate it's like being on the set for "Story Tellers" so the musicians talk between songs and it's very nice. You get to hear about their little twinges of nervousness on new songs, funny road stories, bits of trivia behind the song lyrics. It's cool.
Unless you are watching a train wreck. Then it just gets fascinating in a "Did I stumble onto the set of Spinal Tap Redux by mistake?" kind of way.
You think maybe I'm being a little dramatic?
Here's a quote from Brad who was a little late returning to the stage after he had left during an Ellen Reid song:
"How many of you have seen Spinal Tap? You remember that scene where he goes to the bathroom and can't find the way back to the stage? That just happened to me and I'm not kidding."
I can't tell you how close to the tiny performance space the bathroom is. (Hint: Immediately to the right outside the entrance door.)
Then, with his hands tucked into his pants beneath his paunchy belly he regaled us with stories for the "over 21" set that were so misogynistic and crude I wondered why I didn't get up and walk out except that I had never witnessed a train wreck up close like this before. I mean, they've made movies about fallen rock stars but this was too "You Are There" to leave.
Let me be clear: I still love his song writing, very much. The new songs are great. And the old songs that I didn't know were also. Brad is undeniably talented and I will not take that away from him for a second.
He also appears to be a narcissistic pig who carries an only barely veiled his disdain for his audience. He apologized at one point for showing off his 'book learnin' for those of us who 'may not have graduated high school'...keep in mind we were in Evanston (think Northwestern University). He also asked how how many of us were going to get drunk that night and who toked up before the show. Trust me, except for the guy behind me who kept yelling "Play The Psychic!" it wasn't really a 'let's party our brains out' kind of crowd.
During the encore he sighed in that odd combination of feigned resignation/expectation the people will go crazy when they hear this kind of old rock star way, "Let's give the people what they want" promptly launching into The Mmmmm Song. A song to which he had forgotten the words.
He forgot the words.
But if we wanted to buy a pair of black Crash Test Dummies panties he would happily sign them for us...
(to be continued...)
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