Tormenter as Teacher

One of the most challenging (and controversial) perspectives of the "everyone is a Buddha" variety, is that of acknowledging the profound growth that can come from NOT getting what we need from others, let alone being victimized by them.  There is no shortage of stories detailing terrible crimes, tragedy and injustice every where we look, both on a global and on a personal scale. And, in the American psyche at least, we often want to be able to ascribe blame and enjoy some sense of justice (and compensation) in the wake of a traumatic experience.  In no way am I suggesting that this is wrong or inappropriate.  It is not my place to judge what someone else feels they need in such circumstances. The fact is, seeking justice and/or compensation is simply a variation of the hard-wired instinct common to us all to defend and protect ourselves.  Survival is a good thing to value!

While we are involved in our various fights to "make things right" however, I'd like to encourage us all to take a larger view so that we can also use tragic circumstances as opportunities for growth.  This is extremely hard work I am suggesting but of the utmost importance if we really hope to advance as a species in terms of wisdom, compassion and the creation of harmony in our lives.

I read a very interesting account recently of an interaction between Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and a "channeled" guide. Essentially, the guide told her that when s/he next incarnates, s/he want to die of starvation as a child.  Needless to say, Kubler-Ross was dumbfounded and said something to the effect of, "Are you freaking nuts?!" The guide's response?

"Elisabeth, it would enhance my compassion."

Whether or not you believe in Kubler-Ross's "channel" you have to admit, this statemet gives one pause. Many Eastern spiritual traditions hold that the true purpose of life is to further our spiritual growth as individuals which in turn promotes conscious evolution for all humans.  Belief in reincarnation, however, while a cornerstone of this philosophy is not required for you to benefit from this general outlook. 

If we think purely in terms of living an ethical, moral life, our thoughts will inevitably expand beyond our own immediate concerns to the needs and positive growth of others.  Admittedly, for some of a more clannish mindset, "others" may only extend to one's family, neighborhood, or ethnic group, thus placing a ceiling on how high their human consciousness and potential for a harmonious life can go.

For those who are sincere in wanting to develop themselves more deeply on a spiritual level, however, willingly bumping up against our own boundaries and consciously challenging them can yield rich rewards.  Hard won, no doubt, but extremely valuable.

It is easy to be loving and generous in good times and when surrounded by loving, generous and fulfilled people. Much harder when we see injustice and selfishness around us. It is very difficult to resist the dominant culture around us, whether it is positive or negative.

Think you aren't all that easily influenced by others? Think about that next time you are at a restaurant and ask someone else what they are having while you try to decide on your meal.  We are social animals and we gravitate toward the group norm, sometimes in very subtle ways. 

Action you can take:

If you are looking for suggestions for journalling or contemplation consider this: If you can uncouple yourself (with some effort) and entertain an independent outlook (to whatever degree you can manage) you can start to challenge your own boundaries and beliefs. You can start to ask yourself questions like:

"Is it really true that I 'can't understand some people'?"

"What criteria am I using to determine who is lovable and who is not?"

"Where is that line that, once crossed, tells me someone is unredeemable, unworthy, unimportant? Do I have different lines for different genders, races, income levels or attractiveness?"

Feel free to add your own...

And when you come to that point on your continuum that you can say, with surety, "This person is corrupt/bad/evil" take the time to reflect on their legacy. What good did their evil call out in the rest of us that we, right now, even in our smallest acts, can still build upon? What potential for darkness in you did their malevolence shine a light upon that made you consciously choose a different way to live?  In the face of heartbreaking tragedy, what gratitude for your own live can you embrace more consciously?

I may not be saying anything to you that you haven't heard before but I ask that you approach these questions with a sincere dedication to answering them. Plumb your own psyche for where you really stand in this complex play of human triumph and misery.

What happens when you take away that luxury of "Safe Distance?"

Comments

[Jim]

Tragic circumstances - extremely hard work indeed. Love your site, great look and feel! Jim www.lifecoachbuzz.com

[Peter]

Challenging and controversial?

No, not really.

The idea that “nothing is wasted” which you brought up in another entry, comes straight from nature. So what you’re really talking about here is an ecology of human experience. In the planetary ecology life, death, creation, decay, the waxing and waning of the ice sheets and the rise and fall of species all conspire to create a sustainable equilibrium. In the long run, anyway. Sometimes the VERY long run.

Which is why the late, great George Carlin thought that the rallying cry, “Save the Planet!” was absurd and that the people shouting it really wanted “a clean place to drive their Volvos.” The Planet, he said, could take care of itself and if necessary would “shake us off like a dog with a bad case of fleas.”

Of course the methods used by nature to ensure that nothing is wasted are not always pretty to look at or easy to stomach. They encompass cannibalism among some species, foul-smelling decomposition, land clearing wild fires, and dung eating beetles.

But that is the way the world wags and we would do well to learn it.

[Shaula]

I think of those people in my life as my "ugly boddhisattvas": the people who give me that chance to rise above myself and be who I want to be by presenting me with a thorny challenge.

I'm not always good at it. But at least mentally calling them my ugly boddhisattvas makes me smile and gets me off to a good start.

[Laura]

Very well stated, Peter and Shaula.
I'm in the George Carlin camp on this one, P. (And the world may well be starting its shake if weather patterns and such are any indication.) Shaula, great to see you back. And, yep, anytime we can smile at our situations we are off to a great start. Find the same thing with the dragon metaphor. Whatever gives us perspective and a reminder that the next move is OURS, is incredibly valuable.

[Dawn]

I've discovered that the "difficult" people in my life reflect the qualities about myself that I don't want to, or can't yet, see. I have a bodhisattva who is critical and perfectionist, and frequently pushes my button. It took years for me to see that I was looking at myself. Since then, we have both become gentler on ourselves, having seen in each other the tendency towards harsh self-criticism. It often turns out that the "difficult" person is me.