The Dragon Slayer's Guide to Life

Is There a Buddha in the White House?

In A Path with a Heart by Jack Kornfield shares a Buddhist exercise in which you are to imagine that everyone around you, from your friends, family and coworkers to the person next in line at the grocery story, is an enlightened Buddha and they are all trying to teach you something. The game is to imagine that you are the only one who doesn't "get it" and your task is to learn the lesson the Buddhas are trying to teach you.

This is easy to do when someone performs a random act of kindness. Some stranger pays your toll on the highway and you think, "Oh, what a sweet Buddha, teaching me about kindness. How nice. Come here, little Buddha, let me rub your belly, you crazy kid."

But what about selfish and irresponsible people? What about those who abuse power?

Which "I" is speaking?

A treat from one of my old personal journals for you:

Reading Thomas Merton's The Inner Experience calls to mind my recent frustrations of finding terms to describe myself...coach...whatever. I've been yearning to be nameless, undefined, free to travel into whatever territory calls me.

So now I think about "I" and who that is, exactly. Is there actually a real person behind the pronoun when people use it? I would suggest that of course there is, but perhaps not a complete one, or perhaps the "I" represents an aspect or part of the larger whole.

Perhaps a useful exercise is to stop, internally, on occassion when we hear ourselves utter the pronoun "I" even in our thoughts and ask ourselves "Which I?" When I say, "I want to have sushi" when you ask what I want for dinner is this actually what I want or is it a response to my internal thought, "I think you want sushi so I'll say I want sushi, too." Is the I that says "I want sushi" the "I" that wishes to please, or wishes to avoid conflict, or is fearful of stating an unpopular opinion, or that seeks to love or to be loved or to be generous? It may be very far removed from the "I" that is hungry or the "I" who loves sushi or the "I" who is comfortable asking for what I want.

(Uh huh, you know you love me when I get like this...it's a good exercise though, yeah?)

Working in the Stretch Zone to "Break" Old Habits

Interesting article sent to me by Peter on whether we actually "break" bad habits or simply rewire ourselves to develop new ones.  Here is an excerpt:

Ms. Ryan [M. J. Ryan, author of the 2006 book “This Year I Will...”] and Ms. Markova [Dawna Markova, author of “The Open Mind”] have found what they call three zones of existence: comfort, stretch and stress. Comfort is the realm of existing habit. Stress occurs when a challenge is so far beyond current experience as to be overwhelming. It’s that stretch zone in the middle — activities that feel a bit awkward and unfamiliar — where true change occurs.

An Interesting Definition of "Boredom"

A client of mine sent me this article from Lou Tice. The definition of boredom really struck me. I'm not sure if I agree with it or not, but I thought it was worth mulling over so I offer it to you for the same reason. I'd be curious about your take on this.

"Are You Bored?"

I have a question for you. What is a sure-fire sign that an activity, and it
doesn't matter what it is, is going to be boring?

On Hidden Strengths and Intimidating Cucumbers…

I was having a discussion with a client recently and we got on the subject of hidden strengths. Not hidden from the world, hidden from ourselves. We were discussing how we are sometimes blind to what others see in us.

We have our own notions of what we bring to the table and may pride ourselves in certain abilities. We make assumptions that what we think we excel in is what others most value in us. We may receive compliments on work we have done. When we hear a generic compliment like, “That turned out really well, nice job!” we assume that the person was complimenting what we thought were the strong aspects of our performance. Of course, we may not accept the compliment at all, choosing to hone in on what we think are our biggest weaknesses. We don’t always ask the next obvious question, “Thanks for the compliment! Tell me what it is you liked about this. I’m curious what stood out for you.”

On Spiritual Discipline: The Importance of Working with Pain

This is a repost from a former blog. For reasons not germaine to this topic, I stopped going to my yoga school so my specific practices have changed. While that detail of this post may be different, the meat of this article is, I believe, of critical importance, so I am reposting if for you now. This may well be the one of the most important posts I've ever written.

Why, exactly, would I get up and go to a 5:30 am class when I know darn well that I am going to be asked to spend prolonged time in physical discomfort? Wouldn't snuggling next to Melvin-Scotty-Sweet Potato Johnson and listening to the frogs in the marsh give me everything I could ever want and take me where I want to go spiritually?

Yes and no.

March 25th Edition of the Personal Development Carnival

Welcome to the March 25, 2007 Edition of The Personal Development Carnival!

It's my pleasure to be the guest host for this edition which is chock full of motivation and inspiration for you.  A range of depths to these articles from basic how-to's and general information to more challenging and higher level concepts to support your growth as well as the growth of your business ventures. Something for everyone here so I hope you surf freely to check everyone out.

The Best Laid Plans

The Path is Made by Walking: Insight is Optional

The New York Times had a very interesting article this week by Dr. Sally Satel, staff psychiatrist at the Oasis Drug Treatment Clinic and a resident scholar at the American Enterprise Institute. In the article, Dr. Satel discusses the role of insight in helping an individual overcome an addiction or other life problem and suggests that the need for insight may be over-rated and in some cases actually a detriment to further movement. I certainly recall a similar range of experiences from my own days as a therapist. While I worked with many clients who worked very hard to turn their lives around and made excellent use of psychotherapy, there were certainly exceptions to that rule. On more than one occasion I remember clients lighting up with some apparently life-changing insight into the roots of their behavior or emotional state only to come back the next week in the same place, stating that they didn't really think about the session again once they left my office. I distinctly remember confronting one client, much as Dr. Satel did, on how the quest for insight seemed to result in his stagnation in therapy rather than his moving forward. I asked him why he was in therapy. His reply?

"It's a great conversation for $5 a week."

That was his insurance co-pay.

The act, in and of itself, of seeking self-understanding with the support of a concerned individual, whether a professional or a friend, often makes one feel better. The client who enjoyed his $5 a week conversation is certainly not unique. This is an often unacknowledged downfall of the model of using insurance for psychotherapy. While many highly motivated individuals benefit from therapy that they could not have access to without insurance support, there are certainly individuals who abuse the system. Many of my clients were very aware of their mental health insurance benefits and were clear they wanted all the sessions they were "entitled to" and not a single session more. Who wouldn't want to talk to a concerned and devoted listener week after week on someone else's dime? Just that process alone can tap off enough stress to make the rest of the week go slightly better until the next "great conversation." Therapists are humans and they like to help. Some have nice-sized egos, too, like people everywhere. It can be an unhealthy "win-win" when a therapist feels week after week like progress is being made, in part because the client knows just where to stroke and both client and therapist get their superficial needs met.

But what about those clients who earnestly do want to understand themselves and the roots of their problems better in the hope of creating a better life in the future?

Personal Development and Perspective on Really Big Problems

Let us remember our lives are but moments in the flow of eternity...
and let us also remember that eternity is but a flow of lives like ours.   

~Paul Williams, Das Energi

There is an interesting post by Steve Pavlina about how to get perspective on problems the magnitude of death, divorce, job loss and other circumstances that many people consider devastating. 

As someone who has been consciously preparing for the eventual loss one of the most important people in my life, Michael Schwass, as he continues to face the impact of living with quadriplegia for over thirty years, I have come to appreciate that there is a middle ground between catastrophizing and looking at oneself as a miniscule speck in an overwhelmingly huge universe across all eternity.

When Your Old Self and New Self are out of Sync: Social Drag

"Can people ever REALLY change?"

Heck, let's talk about you, specifically.  You've been yourself for quite some time now but maybe you've been feeling the itch to shake things up a bit and are setting out to make some changes in some area of your life. You may even be comtemplating a whole-life makeover, hoping to clear the slate dramatically so you can reinvent yourself. 

The question is, if you succeed in making all these changes, will anyone notice? And If they notice, will they support you or sabotage you?"