The Dragon Slayer's Guide to Life

I Want You to See Me, No, Wait, Don't Look!!

"I've been working on this CD, burning it for you, like my greatest hits, songs that really represent me. I just can't decide on the cover art. I was thinking I would just leave it on your porch one day.

"Just put it there and drive away."

This came from a friend of ours at a party we hosted a while back.

Now, on the surface, it's just a funny thing that would be so typical, since we are always sharing music. He's a really creative guy (worked professionally as an commercial artist until he could no longer tolerate the soul death) and I'm very sure he IS obsessing about the perfect cover art. In fact, he's got me thinking about what songs I will string together for my own soundtrack in return.

But there's the other level. The hit and run. Because, of course, when you share your most meaningful songs, or poems, or books or photographs, you are basically giving people permission to really see you, right? They get to intuit all the stuff that you won't say directly and then you suddenly become visible in a way that you weren't before.

Makes you want to just drop that off on someone's porch and drive away really fast, doesn't it?! p

Eight Thoughts on Pain in Relationships

Numbered lists like this are certainly not going to be the order of the day here, but I am in the process of taking down The Daily Dope Slap so we can give Michael a blog home all his own and I've been finding lots of little quotes, nudges and thoughts that you may want to reflect on a bit while I take care of that housecleaning.  Today's topic is pain in relationships. Discuss amongst yourselves...or in the comments below.

1. Loving with out fear is not the same thing as loving without pain. Any little fox ever tamed by any Little Prince knows that...
2. Causing pain and causing harm are not the same thing. Pain can be a signpost for an individual's personal work and an opportunity for growth. By contrast, harms impedes that growth.
3. Time does not heal all wounds, so stop being a big chicken, step up to the plate and deal with your challenges directly.
4. It is inevitable that even the closest, dearest people to you will sometimes disappoint you.
5. You may never really know what motivates someone to do what they do. You may never understand their choices.
6. Don't make anyone else and their eternal presence in your life a requirement for your happiness, your sanity, or your reason for being.
7. Being angry does not give you the right to be cruel, hurtful, demeaning, deceitful or to shirk responsibility.  It is not an excuse for anything. Do your best. Always do your best. 
8. You are responsible for what you do, no matter how you are feeling.

It's Never the Answer Anyone Wants to Hear

I could hear in the silence that she was dissatisfied with my reply.

It's a common scenario when relationship issues come up in coaching.  I have a permanent Paul Simon soundtrack in my head, "Nervous when your holding it, nervous when it's gone."  Seems like everyone wants to find out how to land that perfect relationship.  You know, the one with the attractive, intelligent, financially responsible partner who will profess their love and commitment before you do, but not too soon, or in too creepy a fashion, so that you can win the game of emotional "Chicken", never losing whatever psychological edge you want to have so you don't get hurt again or appear to be too needy.  Of course, you don't want to appear too aloof either and blow a potentially good thing.

Holy Moments and the Fear of Intimacy: Lessons on Love from the Periphery

I came from good people.

I didn't always know that.

You know, it's funny. When I was 18 I sustained an eye injury. (Okay, maybe it wasn't THAT funny.) The coral I was sterilizing for my fish tank overheated and exploded. I was hit in the eye, scratching my cornea and the rebound of the hit resulted in what the medical folks among you will recognize as a contra-coup lesion of my retina. Think of it like whiplash of the eye...it gets smashed in and then snaps forward and the snapping forward part was strong enough to cause a bit of a tear at the back of my eyeball.

That wasn't the significant part though. The significant part was when the doctor told me I had "the retinas of a 60 year old." During the exam they discovered I had little deposits on both my retina, called drusen, that signify the early stages of macular degeneration. Macular degeneration is a condition that ultimately results in a person losing the center of their field of vision so they can only see things around the edges or periphery. At 44 I still see fine. Full field of vision. No need for you to worry. (You were a little worried, weren't you?)

Well, I realize that there is actually a lot to be said for peripheral vision and that's how I discovered that I came from good people.

I Want You to See Me, No, Wait, Don't Look!!

I've been working on this CD, burning it for you, like my greatest hits, songs that really represent me. I just can't decide on the cover art. I was thinking I would just leave it on your porch one day.

Just put it there and drive away.

This came from a friend of ours at a party we hosted the other night.

Now, on the surface, it's just a funny thing that would be so typical, since we are always sharing music. He's a really creative guy who worked professionally as an commercial artist until he could no longer tolerate the soul death of corporate driven art and I'm very sure he IS obsessing about the perfect cover art. In fact, he's got me thinking about what songs I will string together for my own soundtrack in return. But there's the other level. The hit and run. Because, of course, when you share your most meaningful songs, or poems, or books or photographs, you are inviting people to really see you, right? They get to intuit all the stuff that you won't say directly and then you suddenly become visible in a way that you weren't before.

Makes you want to just drop that off on someone's porch and drive away really fast, doesn't it?!

Wellspring Coaching.