The Dragon Slayer's Guide to Life

This one is for you, Peter, you Halloween junkie, you...

  

90 Never Looked So Good!

Hi Ya'll,

I'm back from the Land of Lutefisk and will be catching up as soon as I can.  Couldn't wait to share this photo though, of my mother-in-law, celebrating her 90th.  How she found the time to look so good after winning 15 ribbons AGAIN at the County Fair for her baked goods, I'll never know.

What You Don't Know About Butterflies Can Kill You

Do you think butterflies growl?

I asked my then 3 y.o. niece while we were discussing the various sounds animals make during a family trip to the zoo.

"NO!" She squealed, giggling at the thought.

"Oh, yes they do!", her father was quick to correct us. "They are just so small that you can't hear it. Not only do they growl but they have razor sharp teeth...and CLAWS!"

"No!", we protested.

"Oh yes. Butterflies are responsible for more deaths in this country every year than any other animal. When I was little a whole flock of butterflies chased me once. I had to hide out in a burned out car for TWO DAYS before the Army came and rescued me."

Scenes from a Visit with My Mother

I was off to Michigan yesterday to spend the day with my mom.  Some of you don't know yet that she had a little hospital adventure last week.  It looked like she was having another stroke but thankfully it was "just" a TIA (transient ischemic attack) so once it cleared she returned to the function she had.

So, anyways, we zipped over for some medical tests and then a really lovely lunch at Tabor Hill on a stunning day and after came back to her house to watch a couple movies (she is a big time Netflix Girl).

Do you have time to stay for a movie?

Sure!

Oh good. Well I have a couple picked out. Would you rather see one about a shoe factory in Great Britian that makes boots for transvestites orrrr.....

Really, would there be any other choice after a lead in like that? Is it just me, or are my conversations with my mother a little...you know...not typical mother-daughter talks?

The movie? Kinky Boots.

Scenes from a Lunch with Christopher, the Telephone Guru

"I know when I show up on the doorstep, I am death and destruction. I'm the one who is going to burn down the house and steal the children."

Christopher shrugs, understanding that a tall, black, tattooed man ringing the bell in very white suburbia is noteworthy and not at all comfortable for the locals, no matter that they summoned him to fix their phone.

"Are you going to rape me? She asked me that. Are you going to rape me?"

I started laughing, I couldn't help it. "Oh my God, she didn't! Are you serious?!"

John Lennon was right. It's gonna get you, baby...

Do you believe in karma?

Christopher's question to a customer when he arrived to repair her phone. Just the day before this very same woman registered Christopher at the hospital for a medical procedure with a noteworthy lack of compassion for his understandable distress while informing him coldly that she had "procedures" to follow. Ironically, she was asking him to break procedure to repair something he was not authorized to address.

She Really IS Cute

Thought those of you who have read the story of my mom's stroke would appreciate seeing her up on her feet.

She can be anything she wants to when she grows up...

I have learned many things from my niece...

I was informed by Corinne that when a child turns 5 the fairies pull all their teeth and give them shiny new coins...

She also thinks she invented thumb sucking when she was a baby. ("I came up with it").

But this is where it gets a little odd...

She once made us lovely Playdough cakes but Jason's kept mysteriously morphing into nails,

ducks heads, octopi...

and finally a hand grenade.

"Corinne! This isn't funny anymore! There was a hand grenade in my cake!! Where did you get a hand grenade? Are you trafficking with the Asians? You think when you were stirring the batter you would have found this. I'm sorry but this, I'm afraid, is contributory negligence at the very least. I'm calling my lawyer!"

Jason also had his tiny toy army men picket her one day when she refused to hire union workers on their construction project in their garden and insisted during an army game that one of her fallen soldiers produce an insurance card before receiving treatment. She said, "But he wasn't shot! He's just SICK!" "For how long?" "Five years". To which Jason replies, "Oh, combat fatigue...I've seen this before."

I can only imagine what she is going to be like when she grows up but gullible is not on the list...

Animal Friends

I'm making a snow angel for my animal friends so that they will know I was here.

When we found deer prints under the trees she exclaimed, "My animal friends were here! They must have been looking everywhere for me!"

Quite possibly the Cutest Snowman Anywhere

While a blizzard descends upon Chicago in brutal fashion today, I am reminding myself of the fun side of snow, after the winds die down and playtime begins with my Minnesota boy, Scotty J, pictured here with my brother and his family.

Happy Birthday, Scotty and thank you for all the smiles you give me every single day.  Every last one of them.