Frustrated at the Crossroads? Is Everyone Else Making "It" Look Easy?

When one endeavors to make major life changes, it is not unusual to experience periods of fear, disorientation, self-doubt and pain. In fact, those feelings are actually quite normal and a sign that one is doing very significant work. We are all creatures of habit and making changes in our patterns can be incredibly difficult. As if to make matters worse, many of us tend to cast judgments on ourselves in the middle of the struggle. I have heard it from clients many times, “What is my problem?!” This should be so easy but I’m really struggling with this.” “I really don’t have any problems, so what is wrong with me?! Why am I feeling this way?”

Don Miguel Ruiz writes about the incredible power of our words in The Four Agreements. In this thought-provoking book Ruiz describes our words as a form of magic. Words that spread fear, doubt and negativity are “black magic”; words of love, encouragement and support being “white magic". Our lives, according to Ruiz are often spent unwittingly casting spells on each other simply because we do not fully acknowledge and take responsibility for our words. I imagine most of us can call to mind a careless and painful phrase from long ago that, even in the remembering, contains a bit of an emotional sting. Unfortunately, the agreements we sometimes make are to buy in to this negativity. We internalize the "black magic" and continue to cast spells on ourselves. We hold ourselves to standards that make us feel as though we are always failing. We discount 100 compliments and hang on to the one criticism. We say things like “What is my problem?” making the assumption that we must have a “problem” if we are struggling with something

The next time you are tempted to cast a spell on yourself (or anyone else, for that matter), recall the story of the butterfly. Like the butterfly, many of us need to spend some time in a cocoon before a metamorphosis. We may pull back from others, become introspective and experience a “Dark Night of the Soul”. Once one begins to emerge from this cocoon, however, the process continues. When a butterfly emerges from its cocoon, it has to struggle to do so. (It's necessary for their circulatory system.) It is this struggle that strengthens the butterfly. If one, in the wish of sparing this delicate creature the struggle, cuts away the cocoon, the butterfly will remain weak and die. And so it will be with you. You have heard the phrase, “it is always darkest before the dawn”. It is not darkest before noon! The light comes to us gradually, sometimes almost imperceptibly, as we move more fully to the brightness of day. We emerge gradually into our lives, and it may feel like a struggle to keep moving forward. Resist the temptation to judge yourself in that time and allow yourself to simply honor your process. Lastly, before you can fly, you need to let your wings dry a bit in the sun. It won’t help if someone tries to pick you up and do this for you. In fact, that can cripple you because your wings are fragile and can easily tear. There is a whole sky waiting for you. Allow yourself the time, free of magic spells and self imposed timetables (“I always thought I would have it together by 30, 40, 50…) to soak in the sun a bit, to gather your strength and courage before you try to soar.You want the flight to last, yes?

See you in the garden!

Comments

[Kelli]

I found your blog today while traveling thru another. I spent some time reading thru some posts and wanted to say that I think you are very inspirational. I originally was enticed to your blog by the "when your mom discovers your blog" title and have since discovered that some of what you say throughout the other posts I can readily relate to.

This one in particular hit home because I have felt as if things in my life have been shifting for some time. Some days it is harder than others, but I don't fear the change...I'm actually learning to embrace it with excitement for what is yet to come.

Thanks for the insight...I never quite looked at a butterfly like that!
~K

[Laura Young]

Hi Kelli! Glad you made it over. Make yourself at home and be sure to come back from time to time. Have some cool new developments happening behind the scenes so stick around for future suprises...