The Path is Made by Walking: What Charlie Trotter Taught Me About Life

Dedicated to all the hummingbirds and wanderers out there. Just because you wander, does not mean you are lost.

It all began with the Artist’s Way and a simmering case of burn out. For those of you not familiar with the book, The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron is a structured journaling and self-exploration course designed to aid in the recovery (or discovery as the case may be) of one’s latent creativity. It had been waiting patiently on my bookshelf for six months, not unusual from what I hear of others who have undertaken this journey. You may know the type...it's a book you have to sneak up on...it just has to be around you for a while before you can open it.

There is something very interesting that happens when you journal everyday and have guidance in the process. Really this was my first experience being coached, although I did not recognize it at the time.

I began to see my burn out in a way that I could no longer deny and I began to understand that there were possibilities for my life that had not been anywhere near my consciousness before this process. As the journey unfolded, I began to let myself consider that I might want to change my career.

Julia asks early on in The Artist's Way process,

“If you had 5 different lives to live, what would you do in each one?”

At that time, I answered I would be a chef in one, a master gardener in another, a monk (if only to get the recipe for chartreuse), a naturalist and a photographer rounded out the list. It was common knowledge among my family and friends that staying for dinner meant I would be disappearing around the corner of my home, or running out in to the woods, coming back with wild things to eat…flowers, herbs, berries…if it was edible, it was fair game for my table. The selections must have been making an impression because for years later I still have people remembering what I cooked for them. (Mostly, that has been a good thing, although not every flower was eaten.)

So, Julia-in-my-head says something like “okay, Laura, what about this cooking thing? Think you might want to check it out? Take a class or something, just as an experiment?”

Thus emboldened, I went to Borders to check out info on cooking schools and ended up in the cookbook section. And there I saw Charlie Trotter’s cookbook, Vegetables. If you have not seen his cookbooks, they are lovely works of art. The foods, the colors, the discussions about the merging of ingredients…interspersed bits of poetry and jazz references. Pure artistry.

As I read the book jacket, I saw that Chef Trotter graduated from college in 1982 with a degree in…Political Science! Somehow he went from that to opening his world class restaurant 5 years later. He was in his 10th year and recognized as one of the top chefs in the country.

So, Julia-in-my-head said, “Hey, I think he probably knows something that you need to know. Why don’t you write him a letter and see if you can pick his brain?”

Well, why not, indeed!

I wrote to him.

And he called me.

I can remember the note in the secretary’s handwriting, “Charlie Trotter called” and his number. I couldn’t stop laughing. I called him.

I had no idea what to say. Luckily he did.

“All I can say is, follow your dream, follow your dream, follow your
dream”.

Now, realize, I had no idea what my dream was. I just knew I needed to make a change. I was taking action by seeking information and just experimenting. I had no idea what direction I wanted to go but I started walking anyway. That is critical for everyone who is dancing on the edge of a change. Sometimes the dream finds you!

Chef Trotter asked me if I had ever worked in a restaurant. I had not. “Why don’t you come down and I’ll put you to work for a night? You can meet everyone and talk to them about being a chef.”

When I came to, we agreed on a Saturday night, about a month from that call. I fell asleep laughing that night.

Then came a month of denial, followed by THE day and panic set in. I knew I probably didn't even know the first thing about peeling a potato and forget proper chopping technique. I'd be tossed out into the alley in no time flat and my dreams, if I had any, would be dashed on the pavement.

I walked in at 2 pm.

I was put in pastries. A pretty safe place for a ‘guest chef’. First assignment, stir custard for 3 hours. Really. But that was fine by me. It was safe, easy and allowed me to watch the whirling dervish dance of the kitchen.

Chef came up and introduced himself to me. I shook his hand while stirring the custard and, being a supreme dork, I splattered custard on the stove. He was very gracious. I was like a deer in the headlights, still not believing I was there.

Next came rolling truffles, chopping fruit and…the petit fours plates.

I heard one pastry chef say to another, ‘let’s have Laura do the petit fours plates (during the next dessert round)”

“Do you think she can handle it?”

A pause. “I think so.”

Now, I’m thinking, okay, this basically involves putting cookies on a plate and they have to decide if I can handle this?

Well, the plates are glazed white porcelain, the cookies are full butter shortbread, creamy dark chocolate truffles and cocoa powder covered almonds and if you leave a smear or puff of cocoa on the plate, Chef, eyeing each plate under a bright light before giving the okay to serve, will send it back to you for another try. I began to understand their concern.

Do you remember the agony you felt when playing the game Operation as a child, waiting for the buzzer to sound just as you were pulling out the wishbone?

It must have taken me a full minute a piece to place each cookie…spaced just so, uniform sizes, smear free and oh so very tasty.

Before I knew it, it was 1:30 am. A sharp tap hits my shoulder and I turn to see Chef motion me to follow and the wiry former gymnast never looks back. Down the back steps, across the alleyway, up into the next building, through the demo kitchen that will soon house his television show and into his office.

“You will sit here” he says, pulling out a chair for me and settling himself behind a massive table.

“Well?”

Oh my God! This is it and I have NO idea what to say. Here I am with cocoa powder and fruit pulp and bread dough spattered all over me (I am an expressive cook as my husband ruefully will attest) and here is Chef, pristine in his starched, white jacket and…waiting.

I stammered and sputtered and desperately wanted to wriggle my nose to just get back in to the kitchen, up to my elbows in flour.

Once again, he saved me.

“When I started this restaurant, I had no idea if it would be successful. But, I knew I would learn a lot and my family will always need to eat so at least I would have good recipes. Try whatever you want to do. If you find you love it, wonderful. If you hate it, you go back to doing what you were doing with greater conviction that you are where you need to be right now. No matter what, you win.”

I didn’t get home until 4 am. I couldn’t sleep for a week after. I could not blink without seeing the kitchen. I returned on 2 more occasions to cook there and did decide that the restaurant life was not for me. (Food critic, maybe…).

Chef’s words have stayed with me.

You do not lose when you move in the direction of what you love. Even when you aren't sure what that is. Sometimes the path is made by walking.

A simple book led to a simple trip to a bookstore, led to a letter, to a phone call and to an invitation to one of the top restaurants in the country with a private audience with the Chef. A few wise words and the promise to myself to keep looking until I found my way, and here I am now, on the other side.

Burnout is the merest memory for me now. I have realized that there are whole expressions that my face doesn't make anymore. I don't hold my breath, sigh, bite my tongue, tense my jaw, get annoyed, tolerate energy drains, go numb, or complain to people just to get myself through the day.

It's good. Very good.

Comments

[Anastasia]

Wow! That is such an inspirational story. Thank-you!

Try whatever you want to do. If you find you love it, wonderful. If you hate it, you go back to doing what you were doing with greater conviction that you are where you need to be right now. No matter what, you win. I had not thought of it like that before - but that is true, and sometimes when you try one thing, it leads to something else, often in a completely unexpected direction.

[Laura Young]

Often in an unexpected direction is absolutely right! Just getting that one nugget from Chef Trotter made a tremendous difference in how I approach things. That and the fact that a person of his professional stature would actually call an unknown person in response to a letter asking for advice was very cool. You never know who will open a door for you. You just have to remember to knock.

[Kara-Leah Masina]

Thank you for an incredible story. I'm not sure exactly why... but it made me feel quite emotional when I was reading it.

Julia talks about the Inner Censor in that book, and I still catch my Inner Censor leaping up to throw cold water on my intuitions and ideas... but I am getting bolder and braver and I have almost slain my first dragon.

This story of yours throws light on the process of walking the path.

Much joy,
Kara-Leah

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[Buda Baby]

What a great story! It's also nice to know that Charlie Trotter is such a cool guy - I don't know that many chefs would be so gracious.

I have to second your recommendation for "The Artists Way." I had the book on my shelf for about 5 years before I finally gave it a serious shot, but when I did, something clicked and I was able to move out of a very STUCK place. Things began to happen in a way that I can only describe as pure synchronicity. Maybe it was the combination of being stuck, open to change, and having a life preserver thrown to me all at the same time?

[Patricia - Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworker]

Great article. I love the title to your blog. Many of us are too "skeert" by life's challenges to even attempt something new. Here's to being a dragon slayer and blazing new trails.