"So, let me aks you sump'n. Are you one of dos modern women who makes up dere own name?"
First, let me say, I love Chicago guys...the real "Chicahgo geisszz". I was raised around them and they are like no other men I've ever met.
This question came from a roofer who noted that my last name is not the same as my husband's.
Yep. I'm one of those modern women. I made up my own name.
Now, while I've been laughing about this for a few days now, it also has been working on my mind. Think about the conscious decision to take your own name. A variation on the marriage ceremony, if you will. If I asked myself to marry myself, would I say yes?
I'm not convinced I would if I'm really honest about it.
Yeah, kind of flippy, I know, but I'm actually serious about this. I mean, think about it. You ARE married to yourself, for life! (because, face it, a divorce would be...umm...messy!) But how are you showing up in this relationship?
Some examples of what I mean: I will confess, I know I eat food that I wouldn't serve friends (left overs that haven't exactly gone bad but that aren't exactly fresh either, for example. Things that I don't really want to throw out but don't want my husband to have to eat, so I eat them. The equivalent of the low self esteem outfit that you keep in your closet but you feel icky every time you wear it.) I work out of my home so some days I don't really care how I look because I'm the only one who sees me, if I bother to look at all. When I'm by myself, a lot of things don't matter that WOULD matter if someone I cared about were to come over.
It's a nice freedom that comes with self-employment, but it's also a slippery slope and you can become invisible to yourself.
So, I'm realizing that if I were going to try to woo my own hand in marriage, I'd need to make a little more effort if I intended to be taken seriously. I am one hell of a catch for the man I love but when it's just me hanging out with myself, honestly, I've been getting a little sloppy.
When I was a young martial arts instructor, we used to tell students to take their concentration all the way to their fingertips. You have to be complete in your focus.
I've been good with the big stuff, but my attention hasn't been all the way to my fingertips. But when it is, I rock.
Somewhere along the line I slipped into being someone for others. I'll dress nice for you, put on some lipstick, some nice cologne, make you something lovely to eat, make sure the house is vaccuumed. It's the equivalent of saving something "for company".
That's just wrong.
It isn't even a self-esteem thing. It's just a "pay attention" thing. It's just a "take delight in yourself" thing.
I LOVE how my house feels when we are getting ready for company. I love all the little things I do to make it special. If I had company living with me every day I would live like a queen. (not by spending tons of money, but by thinking through to the details that I will do for everyone but "just me".)
So, I've decided it's time to woo myself. I think I've got serious potential.
I was thinking yesterday as I was cleaning my bathroom that I have enough bottles of nice smelling lotion to last for the next 3 years. Why am I not using it? Well, because I don't take my time getting myself together. I do the basics (shower, brush my teeth, grab a pony tail holder and I'm good to go). Those nice touches that take me to the end of my fingertips...they just don't happen.
And I KNOW I am not the only woman in the world with the equivalent of a Crabtree and Evelyn outlet store in her bathroom. We buy this stuff for ourselves, give it as gifts, get them as gifts. And then they accumulate.
Have you ever given someone a nice little spa type kit (or something else like this) because you really want them to have a nice treat? And have you ever noticed those pretty bottles, still unopened sitting like decorations in the powder room?
So, enough of that silliness.
If you see yourself in any of this, here's today's challenge: Toss out that old makeup. (And the expired medicine in the cabinet and the stray Q-tips that are strewn about). Do something really wild like grab a new toothbrush. Maybe take your vitamins. Decide you will floss your teeth every day. Maybe put fresh blades in your razor. Take everything (everything) out of your bathroom cabinets and see what you even have and start to use it.
Bonus points: Have a little spa time. Hot oil treatment. Face mask. Whatever. You know you have some of the stuff.
Special secret: I have a hot tip for you that I have done for years. I swear this is an amazing experience for relieving tension when you can't get a massage and making you feel so fresh and clean you won't believe it:
In the shower, let yourself get nice and warm under the hottest water you can take. Then, trust me on this and remember to breathe, change the water to as cold as you can take it and let it run down your back for several seconds. BREATHE! Focus on how your muscles react, more than the cold. They drawn up and constrict. Then turn the water back to warm/hot and feel them let go. Then back to cold. Then hot. I like to end on cold and then jump in bed for a little meditation. It's like having a very deep massage. You'll be able to tolerate greater temp fluctuations as you do this over time.
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